If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
