This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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