I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
