I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
