the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
