You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize