apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
