When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
