i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
