you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
