Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
