i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
