But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
