I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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