cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You dont lie about slip and slides
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo