My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
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I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair