There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I smell like Dick and happiness
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