we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he thought i was a dude.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it glows. i had to have it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
