The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
