I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
