you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
