Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
