Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
