thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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