On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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