Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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