What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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