I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm at about main and main street
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize