Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
