It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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