She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize