I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
how does that bad decision feel?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
