Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
