My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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