He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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