whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
