sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
