well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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