2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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