you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize