uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
