Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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