She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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