so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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