i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
