I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
