Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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