I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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