I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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