I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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