I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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