he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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