Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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