ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
