I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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