she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
cat food counts as protein by the way
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
