I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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