If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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