While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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