Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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