You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
