I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
